Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Sareth's picture

Edit 5.  Okay, hopefully this is the final draft. I cleaned up a few minor misspellings and the like from draft 4. Unless anyone has any significant comments, I figure this will be the official story. Pretty cool finally completing a project. I seldom do, you know...

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Danek leaned back against the wall of the inn (the benches and chairs in the common room all being full), sipping slowly on his mug of stout. The burnt grain flavor somehow managed to be both bitter and weak simultaneously. He sighed to himself and wished, not for the first time, that humans knew how to brew beer that was recognizable as such. It was nothing like he got back in his Dwarven homeland.
He sipped again from his stein as the audience around him clapped appreciatively. A traveling bard had already been singing in the common room when Danek and his two young companions arrived at the inn earlier that evening. In spite of the bard's tendancy to prefer singing in Elvish and Kayesh, Danek had found him a quite enjoyable break from his usual business concerns. Having seen Jon and Anne settled, and having dropped his own gear, Danek had decided to take in the show. It was not often Danek was able to enjoy much entertainment. His life on the road was a quiet, lonely one. Young Jannot (Jon he reminded himself, Jannot is a name he's left behind) and his lady had helped to break up the silence since they'd fallen in together on the road to Miraj. But theirs was a rare companionship.

An interesting couple, those two. Danek had been uncertain what to make of the pair at first. It wasn't so much Jon. Jon hadn't been so hard to figure out. He'd met many young human men on the road during his travels. Most had been traveling for business or to find work. A restless itch existed amongst them, and he would have chalked Jon up as just another man looking for work in a different city, the grass always being greener on the other side of the fence.

Anne, however, had completely thrown off his perception of Jon." As a rule, dwarven women didn't travel. In dwarven eyes, they were precious, too valuable to be risked. Few non-dwarves ever recieved the high honor of meeting one, and a dwarf woman traveling on the road, even with her husband, was virtually unheard of. Only the direst of circumstances would drive a dwarf maiden to travel away from the safety of the cities, and even then, bands of guardians would travel along insuring their security. Anne, traveling with only the protection of a husband scarcely able to protect even himself had been something he'd had difficulty understanding. He'd seen human women on the road before, but never really reconciled himself to it.

However, just an hour before, Jon and Anne had asked him up to their room to explain certain inconsistancies he'd noticed since their paths had merged. The two had taken him into their confidance. Dire circumstances was a very good discription of the danger that had forced the two of them onto the road. In fact, he'd learned that Anne was hardly the frail flower she seemed. Anne had actually sprung Jannot from a cell and planned their escape from the clutches of a mad man. It had given him quite a bit to think about.

The singer had broken into another song, one Danek was actually familiar with. It was popular here in the human lands, and a number of the other patrons of the tap room were joining in with him, roaring with a gusto common to slightly drunk farmers. Danek decided he could afford to tip the man a few coppers. The bard was doing a more than passable job at keeping the crowd in tune, and it was an amusing ditty about a particularly unfortunate old noble and an inn keeper's wife. He fished the coins out of the pouch at his side and sidled forward toward the traditional cup near the impromptu stage to deposit them.

As he was returning to the section of wall he'd left, a blast of moist summer air wafted through the door. Three men pushed through the opening. Danek was fairly tall, but the ridiculously oversized creatures that formed the human race towered over him by at least a head by the time they reached puberty. It made estimating the size of humans at a distance, even just the distance of a tap room, somewhat tricky but these ones were easily recognized as monsters.

Danek noticed the volume of the audience waver slightly as the crowd watched the three enter. Emotions played across the face of the woman hurridly serving drinks that spoke of more than just irritation at having too many patrons and not enough help. The entertainer continued along without a hitch as though he hadn't noticed the slight chill rolling through the audience, but a slight straightening of his back belied that appearance. Several people stood and began making their way to the door. For his part, the inn keeper frowned, evidently afraid that his night's profits were about to melt away.

At first the trio seemed to just take in the size of the crowd and the musician, their gaze skipping over Danek's relatively short size as he leaned against the wall. After a moment though, they started moving through the slightly thinned crowd, casually shoving away people who had been too slow to move aside. The bar maid seemed to be trying to move away, but her progress was hindered by some of the people attempting to leave. The largest of the three newcomers caught up to her and clamped a meaty paw on her shoulder, forcibly turning her to face him.

"Hello, sweet. Aren't you glad to see me?" The man's leer made him seem twice as unpleasant as he'd first appeared, a feat Danek would have sworn wasn't possible.

"What do you want, Jaled?" the woman said, clearly frightened, trying to back away in a croud too thick to permit her such freedom.

"You know what I want, Welew." Jaled leaned in toward her, his free hand moving to grab her wrap around her slim waist, trapping her before the crowd thinned enough to permit her escape. "And you know you want it too."

Welew jerked herself free, anger replacing the fear on her face. Ice filled her voice as she grated out her answer between clenched teeth. "Go to hell, Jaled."

Jaled grinned. "Eventually. I'll say hello to your husband for you whan I get there." His grin turned into a threatening scowl. "Get some beer, woman."

Welew's fled, darting off to the back. Jaled watched her go, the leer back on his face full force. "Come on," he said to his friends. "Let's go get us seats where we can hear that hack singer."

The trio began wading their way through the remaining patrons to get next to the stage. People scrambled out of the way. At a wordless scowl, three men sitting next to the stage shot off of the bench they occupied, one stumbling in his haste. Jaled and his friends guffawed loudly before taking the emptied seats.

As a rule Danek had always disliked bullies. In his travels he'd unfortunately discovered that most small towns like this one had more than their fair share of them. But somehow Jaled seemed worse than the typical bully. Usually the bully could push around a portion of the populace, but there were always limits they knew not to cross. As crowded as the tavern still was this evening, Jaled should have been at least somewhat more circumspect, lest a few of the braver onlookers might stand up to him. But he clearly expected to intimidate the entire tavern, and it appeared his expectation was panning out. Something more than mere bullying was going on here.

Pushing himself away from the wall with his shoulder, Danek began shoving his way to the inn keeper. Unlike Jaled, he had to move through the crowd in the usual manner, weaving about and occasionally gently bumping past people The room had been packed as full of tables as seemed physically possible. What little room was left between them was filled with chairs and benches, making it difficult for someone with Danek's girth to squeeze in between them.

"So, who's the ox?" he asked, plunking down his empty beer mug in front of the inn keeper.

"Trouble. You'll want to stear clear of those three, dwarf," the inn keeper muttered, taking the mug and refilling it at one of the taps. "Jaled and his cronies, Durg and Galot, are the biggest boys in the area. They can't farm worth spitting at, so you can guess what they support themselves by doing. The roads around here aren't safe to travel anymore with anything less than a company of guards. Not if you're a merchant, least ways. No one's ever been able to prove it's them's been doing it, but it's an open secret."

"No one's ever stood up to them, tried to stop them?" Danek took the mug as it slid across the counter top. "There's only the three of them, right?"

"Just the three. But nobody dares stand up to them. Not since Laclan."

The inn keeper seemed reluctant to continue, but Danek knew the type. If he waited long enough, the inn keeper would continue, unable to leave the conversation so inconclusively. After a few awkward moments the inn keeper cleared his throat and spoke quietly.

"Laclan didn't like the way Jaled was harassing his wife, Welew. Caught him alone and warned him off her. Laclan wasn't a small man, himself, so Jaled didn't do anything at the time. Once again no one could prove who did it, but Laclan was found in his field with a broken neck. We're all sure Jaled brought his crew back to continue the conversation. Since then, no one's dared to openly oppose them." The inn keeper leaned forward. "I took Welew on afterwords. She couldn't manage the farm on her own, and at least here there's a big enough crowd he can never catch her alone. But that's the most I dare. It's the most anyone dares. Mark my words, dwarf, you need to stay away from that one. He marks you for a merchant, and he'll catch you out there on the road, and that's it. You seem decent enough, what with them two you were watching over. I'd feel something terrible if them three caught you."

Danek nodded his thanks, slipping the inn keeper a few small coins for the beer, and a few more for the conversation. Thinking hard he slid forward through the crowd, trying to get as close to the stage as he could. The inn keeper might have thought Danek as little more than a merchant, and truth to tell, a merchant he was. But that had not always been so. Danek had learned a few things in his youth, and one of them was the value of as much first hand observation as could be obtained. If Jaled and his friends decided to jump Danek, Jon, and Anne, it was best Danek knew what he was facing. Soon he slid into an empty chair near the stage, but out of direct view of the three, his back to the wall.

Welew moved through the crowd slowly, clearly reluctant to deliver the three beers she held in her hands. Eventually, though, Jaled would start wondering where it was, and doubtless it was better to deliver it before he grew impatient. Trying not to be noticed, she finally sidled up behind the trio and set the three mugs on the table beside them. Quickly turning, she tried to scuttle away, but she stubbed a toe on the leg of the bench behind her, the pain forcing a mild oath to escape her lips.

Jaled heard it and turned his head, spying her as she crow hopped away. Unable to grab her, he nevertheless was close enough to give her a stinging swat on her rear, shouting a hearty "Thank you, my sweet. I'll tip you later." Laughing at his own wit, he turned back to the musician. Danek watched the bar maid walk away, head down, shoulders hunched, her face ugly with black emotions.

Danek fought hard to contain his mounting anger. The cruelty and humiliation Jaled was visiting on the woman was nothing new to his experience, but it never failed to shock him every time he saw it. Dwarven civilization had spawned in the cold, semi-arid mountains far to the north of the Free Kingdoms. The harsh climate had been hard on dwarves, and they had become a hardy folk. Perhaps in response, male births outnumbered female by a considerable margin, and unlike humans, dwarves didn't breed like rabbits. So dwarven women were a rarity. While misogynism wasn't unknown amongst dwarves, dwarven women were too much a precious treasure for most dwarven men to take for granted. The casual disregard so many human men held for their women was dismaying in both its depth and frequency. If it weren't for humans like Jon and Anne, he'd be tempted to swear off humans all together, profitable or not.

Fuming, Danek continued his observations of Jaled. He knew Jaled had to be a reasonably tough customer, especially with his two friends. Banditry was a large enough problem on the roads for those merchants who could travel with armed guards, or were trained in arms themselves. Danek himself carried a good dwarf steel blade, and was no slouch with it even in his own estimations. Three men tough enough to take on armed merchants was no simple thing even with that steel at his side. He'd left his sword hidden in the bunk room, but his knife was strapped comfortingly at his side. He'd hidden it under the hem of his tunic, but it was there if he needed it.

Of course, vile as it was, Jaled's harrassment hardly warranted an armed response from a bystander. No, better by far to allow them to catch him on the road attempting to rob him. No question about the appropriateness of an armed response there! In fact, Danek actually felt a certain desire to attract the sort of attention the inn keeper warned him not to draw. If it weren't for the risk to Anne, he probably would.

Jaled and his friends had turned to the poor entertainer for their amusement. Contrary to popular belief, bards were not immune to harrassment or abuse by anyone. The harried performer was attempting to continue to entertain, stoicly ignoring the taunts and jibes of the three brutes who had perched themselves right in front of him, but it was clear he was fighting a losing battle. With a sneer, Jaled drained his mug, then belched reverberatingly during the chorus of a particularly touching love song. Danek himself had wondered if the song was truly appropriate to the audience, even without taking Jaled into account, but Jaled's behavior was still uncalled for. The singer winced, but manfully sang on.

"Welew!" Jaled bellowed, drowning out the beginning of next verse. "Where are you, sweet? I need another!" Waving his mug in the air he turned to look for the bar maid. An annoyed expression appeared on a farmer's face at the loud interruption, but with a glance at Jaled, he held his tongue. Jaled, his eyes fixed on Welew, never noticed.

Several emotions chased each other across Welew's face too fast to be interpreted. Reluctantly she moved forward, a fresh beer in her hand. Danek was sure it was probably poured for another guest, but no one seemed inclined to complain as Jaled preempted it. She hung back, holding out the mug, clearly hoping he'd only reach for the handle.

Jaled, however, had other ideas. His hand shot out and caught her wrist. "C'mere, sweet. Have a seat on my lap and enjoy the show."

With a gasp she tried to jerk away, but Jaled's grasp was too tight. Leering, he yanked her towards himself. Unbalanced, she lurched forward, tripping over the bench leg she'd kicked previously. Losing her footing completely, she fell, the beer in her hand flying loose. It splashed forward, the contents emptying all over Jaled.

"Bitch!" Jaled shot up from his seat, twisting Welew's wrist around and dragging her forward on her knees. She gasped in pain, trying to pull away, a look of terror on her face. "Spill a drink on me, will you? I'm gonna whip you like that no good husband of yours should have done. I'm gonna fix you like I fixed him." Jaled raised his free fist, ready to bring it down on Welew as a horrified silence fell over the entire room.

Jaled's fist lashed out, smashing into Welew with a meaty thump. With a cry of pain the woman shot sideways under the force of the blow, bouncing face first into a chair beside her. The chair collapsed, leaving her laying against it. A trickle of blood flowed down from where her lip had been split by the blow. Curling up, Welew whimpered.

Inside himself, Danek snapped. Abuse after abuse had worn on him until he'd reached his limit. As the blow struck the woman, he'd stood and begun moving forward, setting his mug down on the table beside him, a sheen of red hazing his view. Even he was surprised at how calm his voice was as he spoke up.

"Stop!"

Jaled's head shot up in surprise. He had pretty much put the entire town under his thumb. While hitting the woman would doubtless anger much of the community, he was sure no one would cross him. After the way he'd settled Laclan, no one would risk death just to keep some woman from being slapped around a little. Evidently someone hadn't gotten the message, though. The voice, low and even, was unfamiliar to him. Must have been some traveler rooming for the night.

The voice, surprisingly calm, continued. "I suggest you leave. You'll not touch that woman again. Not while I'm here."

Jaled's eyes found the source of the voice. They widened slightly at the sight before them. The dwarf couldn't be more than mid chest high on him. His clothes, dusty and worn, nevertheless spoke of being a merchant, and he looked to be alone. Lone merchants were, in his experience, particularly easy to intimidate. He turned away from the stricken woman to face the dwarf full on.

"This ain't none of your business, runt. And if you're smart, you'll shut that mouth of yours before it gets you in trouble." Behind him, his two companions snickered. They knew that tone of voice. Jaled might let the little troublemaker go for now, but he'd be paying a follow up visit later, when the dwarf was alone and could be plucked without any inconvenient witnesses who could blab to a roving patrol of Free Kingdoms' soldiers.

Danek sized up the situation. People had backed away the moment Jaled stood up. The tables, chairs, and benches had been abandoned with alacrity, including the ones behind Danek. The benches and chairs crowded the small open area, tightly spaced by the cramming in of as many tables as possible. Danek chalked the thin aisles up as an advantage he could use. The tables he stood between were serviced by a particularly narrow set of benches. The men could try stepping up onto them, but the footing would be highly unstable. They'd have little choice but to funnel between them one at a time. So long as he kept back from the open area before the stage he couldn't be outflanked.

"I've never been accused of being particularly bright. But I'm bright enough to know better than to beat on defenseless women because men scare me."

Jaled's face screwed up in anger. "Right then," he snarled. "I guess I just need a different target."

Jaled stepped forward to get at Danek. As Danek had hoped, Jaled was channeled between the two benches, forcing him to stagger step a little. Impatient to get at Danek, he attempted to use his superior reach to smash Danek quickly.

Danek gauged the hulking man's aproach. While dwarves tended to be broader for their height than humans, Jaled stood three heads taller than he did. The narrow gap limiting Jaled was an almost comfortable fit for Danek. Less hampered by the restricted leg room and aided by Jaled's reflexes being used to fighting considerably taller men, Danek easily ducked under the swung fist, stepped forward, and hammered his knuckles straight into a groin placed a convenient height above the ground.

Jaled went up on his toes with an inhuman squeal. The pain that had exploded in his groin was beyond anything he had ever experienced previously. He'd been kicked in the crotch a time or two before, but never with such precise force backed by all the power that dense dwarven muscles could supply. His vision blackened, and he found himself involuntarily hunching into himself and rocking backwards, trying to get back from the surprising power of the dwarf before him. Unfortunately for him, while this brought his groin away from Danek, it placed his head in perfect striking range for Danek's follow-up shot. Danek, who had been rocked back a bit by his own strike used the energy to throw his weight onto his back leg. Like a spring storing energy in its coils, he'd let the momentum push him into a crouch, then unleashed the stored power, rocketing upward, smashing his fist into Jaled's chin. Jalad shot upwards and back, flying between his two cohorts before landing sprawling on a second chair, splintering it. Dazed, he slowly rolled over, attempting to regather his senses.

Jaled's two companions attempted to charge together through the gap between the two benches, their haste causing them to get in one another's way. Danek took advantage of the confusion as they untangled themselves to back a step away, placing himself in an even narrower spot. So long as they could come at him only one at a time, he held an advantage, and he had no intention to give it up.

After a couple seconds the two separated enough for the nearer man to step into the gap. Hampered by the narrow confines just as Jaled had been, he advanced more cautiously. He'd seen the swift destruction of Jaled, and had no intention of making the same mistake.

Danek watched him slowly advance. The man's caution negated some of the advantage of the narrowness of the approach. He knew he'd have to try something different with this fellow than the patient wait he'd used with Jaled. A quick glance revealed the beer he'd left on the table as the confrontation began. His arm darted out, seizing the mug, and hurling it forward toward the man.

The man, who'd seen his share of brawls, was unsurprised by the move. As soon as Danek had released the mug he began dodging away from it's arc, eyes squinted to keep the splash of beer from getting in his eyes and blinding him. Of course, Danek hadn't expected to catch the man with the thrown mug. As soon as he'd released, he had begun to shift his weight to the side. As the man leaned to the right, head turning to watch the mug fly past him, Danek's left hand rocked out in a wicked hook, catching his nose from the side.

The man's nose exploded in a spray of blood. Danek's fist carried through with the punch spinning his shoulders around in a twist that served to power a second strike. The man's head had spun away, so Danek paused long enough for him to turn back, trying to see where the next attack was coming from, then rocked back around in a second roundhouse. A horrifying crunch sounded as his fist rammed into the man's jaw, breaking it. Battered and bleeding, the man collapsed to the floor between the benches, a muffled sobbing squeezing through the battered remains of the man's face. Certain the man would be no further problem, Danek moved forward, stepping over the human wreckage on the floor to advance on the remaining antagonist.

The third man watched him come warily. He'd been surprised and enraged when Danek had knocked Jaled to the ground, but the cold, calculated way Danek had shattered Durg's face with two shots had splashed him with a cold fear. As Danek aproached, stalking him, he drew his knife. There was no way this little runt was going to mangle him. Not with a knife in his hands.

Danek paused as the knife was drawn. He'd been afraid it would come to knives. His hand slid up into his tunic, reaching for his own knife. He gripped the familiar haft and drew it forth.

Eyes narrowed, the thug took a step back. He'd expected to be the only one with a knife. Most merchants he'd jumped previously were inexperienced with knives. They were salesmen, not fighters.

Danek moved cautiously forward into the open area before the stage. He could have tried backing into the narrow confines he'd limited the fight to previously, but with knives in play he wanted as much freedom of movement as he could get. Cautiously, he crouched, watching for his foe to commit to a course of action.

Growing impatient, the man flicked the blade toward Danek's left shoulder once, then a second time. Danek could see that both were feints, with no power behind the arm movements. The man was trying to draw Danek into throwing his weight to the right, forcing him into a movement the man could intercept with the real attack. Danek sensed a chance to settle things without using his own knife. He was eager to take that chance. His opponent might think nothing of sticking a man with a knife, but Danek had no desire to open his opponent if he could avoid it.

Danek twitched his shoulders as though taking the bait. Seeing what he wanted to see, the knife man lunged towards the position he thought Danek would be, to his left. Danek, however, had failed to cooperate. Throwing his right leg back, Danek sidestepped the attack easily. He threw his right arm up, trapping the man's wrist with his own, simulaneously throwing his other hand into the man's elbow with all the strength dwarven muscles could muster. The blow was too much for the joint to handle, and the arm bent far, far beyond the point it would naturally stop as the elbow tore and shattered.

His assailant's knife dropped from nerveless fingers to ring dully on the wood of the floor. Danek stepped away from his assailant, allowing the arm to flex back from the grossly unnatural bend. Numb with shock, the man gaped at Danek wordlessly. He cradled his arm into his chest with his other hand, spun, and darted toward the front door. Onlookers leapt out of his way, turning to watch as he raced out into the night.

For a moment silence reigned. Danek sheathed his own knife and began to survey the crowd. To late, he noticed that Jaled was no longer wallowing on the floor. As Danek had been finishing off his last opponent, Jaled had taken advantage of the attention the crowd was giving to the immediate combatants. When Danek had stepped forward into the open area before the stage, he'd left the protection he'd had to either side. A large opening was to his right, and Jaled had crept into the gap.

As soon as he realized it, Danek began a dive to the left to get away from Jaled, but his realization had come too late. Jaled rushed toward him before the move had been much more than a thought. Caught mid move, Danek twisted to try to respond to the sudden assault, thrusting a fist out in an attempt to stop the charge. Unfortunately, Jaled was ready for him. A massive hand shot out, trapping his wrist. Jaled continued to move forward, sweeping Danek off his feet. Danek scrabbled to regain his balance, but found his leg trapped up against one of the very benches he'd previously been using to channel his opponents into single file. He went over backwards, his head bashing into a table edge painfully. Jaled, still moving, came down on top of him, still gripping the wrist he'd caught.

Trapped and off balance Danek desperately swung his free hand up just in time to block Jaled's other arm as it swung down, a large hunting dirk clenched in it's grasp. Grunting with effort, Danek watched the point freeze. Jaled, glaring, shifted his weight to compensate, and the blade began slowly decending toward Danek's face. Danek had no moves left, and could only watch the knife descend as his arms trembled with exertion.

Suddenly Jaled's breath exploded from his lungs and he rocked sideways in a spray of splinters. Danek, his arm still clenched in Jaled's fist was dragged sideways with him, rolling over the top of Jaled. As he spun he saw out of the corner of his eye the bar maid, Welew, the remains of a shattered chair clutched tightly in her hands. Her chest was heaving and her eye already coloring from where her head had struck the chair earlier.

Danek had no time to be thankful for her intervention. As he rolled he threw his shoulder around, adding more force to the spin he already was in, breaking free from Jaled's grasp. Danek flew through the air, striking an empty table. Wincing from the pain of the table hitting his ribs, he sprung back away from the table looking for Jaled.

Jaled was just climbing onto his hands and knees from where he'd fallen. Laying before him on the floor was his knife. Grinning, he reached out and scooped it up. But that took time he didn't have. A booted foot blasted into his ribs, bringing him completely off the floor and flipping him onto his back. Grunting with pain, he looked over at the dwarf, still balanced on one foot after the kick. Jaled lashed out with his leg, hoping to take the dwarf's feet out from under him.

Danek, seeing the kick, leapt over the leg as it went by. As he came back down, he smashed a foot downward, catching the offending leg on the kneecap. A resounding crunch sounded as the knee shattered. The leg rolled under him, and Danek landed heavily on top of Jaled with a grunt.

Jaled's breath wooshed out of his lungs. Tears streaming, no longer able to think, or even breathe he lashed out, in a blind attempt to cause at least some pain to the man who had destroyed him.

Danek saw the knife coming in. His hand shot out, catching Jaled's wrist in his fingers, stopping the swing. With teeth gritted, he sqeezed his hand tightly, feeling Jaled's wrist break under the pressure. With considerable satisfaction, Danek sat up and brought a fist down on the side of Jaled's head.

Jaled, finally overcome, still unable to draw in a breath, passed out without a sound.

Danek stood up, breathing hard. Stillness filled the room as everyone stared, unwilling to move, shocked by the sudden violence of the fight. No one seemed able to believe the turn of events that had transpired, and appeared to be afraid that any movement, any sound, would awaken further horror. Behind him Jaled's companion still lay huddled on the floor, gasping and sobbing through his hands in a growing pool of blood.

The stillness was slashed by a shriek as Welew screamed in rage and threw herself on the unconcious Jaled. Shrieking with fury, her fists began beating on Jaled's face, tears streaming down her cheeks. Danek stepped forward and grabbed her, dragging her away from Jaled, her heels beating impotently on the wooden floor. Softly he whispered to her in his native tongue, restraining her until she collapsed sobbing in his arms. He tucked her into his embrace, cradling her head and letting her weep until the inn keeper gently lifted her away from him, guiding her through the crowd.

Danek looked around. The crowd remained hushed, but had been broken out of their awestruck revery Some were moving quickly toward the door, eager to get away. Others were crowding forward, eager to see the destruction of the men who had held them in terror so long. Still others were muttering amongst themselves, throwing glances toward Danek, unsure whether to be grateful or frightened of the small dervish in their midst.

Danek shrugged. Doubtless some would be frightened of him, certain he was a destructive presence little better than that which he had just vanquished. Others would venerate him as a hero. Frankly, he didn't care. He'd simply been who he was, and that's all that mattered to him. That, and staying true to his basic sense of decency.

Turning, he walked back to the sobbing wreckage that had been a man laying behind him. Jaled may have passed out, but he had begun breathing again. His wounds were bad, but not life threatening, and he wasn't bleeding noticably. The man on the ground, however, was bleeding profusely. Between the blood pouring out his nose and the swelling of his jaw, there was actually some small risk of him choking on his own blood. Prying his hands away from his face, Danek began tending to him, although perhaps not as gently as he could.

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Danek leaned wearily against the counter. Most of the crowd had finally left. Jaled and his friend had been dragged into unused rooms in the back, their disposition uncertain. Danek knew he should go lay down, but was still feeling too wound up from the fight to sleep.

The sound of a mug sliding across the countertop caught his attention away from an examination of his split knuckles. He turned to see the inn keeper sliding a full mug of stout to him. Greatfully he picked it up and sipped a pull off the top. He nodded in gratitude.

"I let her cry herself out. She's had a rough time of it, what with her husband's death and Jaled's constant harassment. I think she'll be all right, but she needs sleep now."

Danek nodded again, saying nothing. The Innkeeper turned and poured a second mug for himself. He too took a sip, then set it on the counter between them. "How's the head?"

Danek shrugged. A knot was forming where the table had caught him. It'd be unnoticable under his hair, but he'd have a sore neck and head for a few days. "Not bad. No worse than the ribs, anyway."

The inn keeper nodded as he took a sip from his beer. "Those three have been a problem around here for two years. Two years, and yet you took them apart in a moment." He paused speculatively. "Two of them came at you with knives, yet you never cut them when you had the chance." He fixed his gaze on Danek. "You could have killed them, couldn't you?"

Danek nodded wearily. "I could have. I grew up on the border. Did time in the army. Had to kill eyza more than once when caught with a knife or less."

The Innkeeper nodded. He took another sip letting the silence grow between them. After a bit he shrugged. "So why didn't you?"

"No need to. No justification, really." He sighed. "Sure, everyone believes they were bandits, and worse, murderers. But no one can prove it. I suspect you'll have fewer problems now. But all we can actually prove is that they struck a defenseless woman, and started a fight with a stranger."

The Innkeeper shook his head slightly, clearly not sure he agreed with Danek's answer, but not feeling it worth debating. "Well, I suppose. But how is justice served in not punishing them for the crimes we all know they commited?"

Danek lifted his head with a wry smile. "Justice? Think about it. Jaled will never walk above a hobble again. His wrist should heal, but there's no guarantees it'll heal straight. That second fellow will be months healing his face, and be unable to eat normal food for a long, long time. He may recover fully, but it'll be a long time coming. And the one who ran off probably won't regain much use of his knife arm. They'll survive, but they'll probably be cripples for the rest of their life, dependant on the charity of the community they abused and terrorized for so long. That's justice enough for me." He smiled. "At least Welew never needs fear Jaled again. She's the one who defeated him in the end."

The inn keeper nodded. "There is that. Of course, while I may be able to fix the first two chairs, I'll never be able to repair that one."

Danek laughed quietly. "That's quite all right. A bar maid able to take apart a murderer with a chair is more than a fair trade, don't you think?"

"I do, my good Dwarf. I do indeed."

Kent's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Nice.

So, THAT's what he ran off to do... What a nice fellow.  And helpful!

:twisted:

I have to say though, one reference to Jannot's real name should be sufficient, I'd think.  Also, the last part of the fight - where Jaled gets around to Dankek's side - I had to re-read that, and then re-read it again, carefully, to get a good picture of what was happening.  Might want to mull over that part a bit.

All-in-all, VERY entertaining.  :D

-- Kent

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Gah!

It ate my big long rambling document trying to explain how I came to the decisions I did on this story, and what changes I made.

Augh!

So never mind. Just read the bloody thing and comment.

](*,)

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

SaberSnail's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Bummer... that would have been interesting to read...

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

I'll try to do it tomorrow. I'm headed home in another 20 minutes or so...

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

Kent's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Revision is VERY nice. I enjoyed the changes much. Much more polished. A few spelling errors, but that's minor.

Man, I thought Jaled had it bad off before you revised it... good grief! That guy's REALLY messed up now. Shock

-- Kent

SaberSnail's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Heh... yeah. It actually makes me realize how tough Jaled is, since you kind of feel like after the first round with Danek, any normal man would have been out cold. Laughing out loud

The fight is definitely a lot cleaner and more plausible this time around.

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Okay, I replaced Draft Two with Draft Three at the top of the thread (so you won't find it anywhere else. Comments below this point should refer to draft three.

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Okay, let's try this again:

The inside view of the story.  (This is going to be long.)

Okay, first a general view of how I arrived at the story in the first place.

When Andrew brought up the idea of a story based in the world of the Jannot Campeign, Danek's little bar fight was the first thing to come to mind.

I could have gone for something else, but when playing in someone elses sand box, simplicity is often advised.  By taking the bar fight on, I had a prebuilt character with motives, skills, and background already available.  All I had to do was toss the character into a setting of my choice, and half the setting was already there for me.

Danek was a fairly taciturn individual, reluctant to talk about himself.  However, there were several acts on his part that gave a good measure of his beliefs and habits.  The bar fight gave me a chance to display them.

Once I'd decided on that, the basic event, I began looking at some of the specifics about it.  At first I felt like simply having this be a silly little bar fight.  But almost immidiately I began to encounter problems.  First, I couldn't find any way to make it compelling.  No matter what tac I took, it always seemed frivelous.  Then there was trying to find a way to start a fight.  Danek was a fairly conservative, sober individual.  I just couldn't see him starting a fight, which left me having to let one find him.

A light hearted and frivelous fight didn't strike me as something Danek would let himself be drawn into.  So that meant something more serious.  So my next step was to have a town bravo pick a fight.  Again, though, I ran into problems.

In the text logs, it becomes clear that Danek is both very self disciplined and capable as a fighter.  A town bravo wouldn't have any chance at all against Danek.  That wouldn't be particularly compelling.  Nor would it explain the broken chair the inn keeper was repairing the next morning.  Danek could wrap up your average tough without mussing his chair, let alone breaking furniture.  So I needed a particularly tough tough.  (heh.)

So things kept escalating.  I needed someone who was a challenging enough threat to make the storing compeling, and also to keep things risky enough Danek couldn't control things enough to prevent breakage.  A man suspected of banditry and murder certainly made it a threat large enough to meet that would fit the bill nicely.  By making three of them I made it a very serious problem, but also gave Danek the chance to use some tactics, not just simple brute strength.  hence Jaled and his two pals.

My other problem was the cause of the fight.  I first thought of making him an anti-dwarf bigot.  But again there were problems.  Danek is calculating and self possessed.  He has a strong enough understanding of what honor is to not assume throwing a punch at a bigot matches that bill.  He'd ignore anything short of an unavoidable assault.  Anything less could be ignored by simply removing himself from the situation.

So I needed some external reason for Danek to get involved.  His willingness to take on and guard Jannot and Celeste gave an insight into his character.  He couldn't easily be forced into a fight for his own sake, but he coudln't easily be deflected from a fight when someone else was in difficulty.

Enter Welew.  Welew gave me several different things.  Even aside from being the target of Jaled's harrassment and Mysogynistic ways (and thus the wedge that started the fight) she also served two other purposes.  

First, an intersting thing I noticed when looking at the logs surrounding the incident is the relationship between Danek and Celeste.   Prior to that evening, Danek was very cold to Celeste.  It wasn't that he was mean, or belittling.  He just never seemed to associate with her.  Any discussion, any needs, any questions, whatever, he directed them to Jannot.  After that night, he was far more warm and personnal to her.

Now, the frank admission of who Jannot and Celeste really were can explain quite a bit of that change, but I thought this story could give additional explanation of the change.

By explaining why Danek had such a strong negative reaction to Jaled's treatment of Welew, I had the chance to explore his background, particularly as it relates to women.  The concept of Celeste playing tourist with Jannot was something dwarven culture simply had no basis for relating to.  While his travels amongst humans would have helped some, there still wouldn't have been much interaction giving him the chance to overcome this strong bit of culture shock.

But then Jannot and Celeste explain the real reason they are traveling and it gives Danek a new frame of reference.  Dire times.  Now he can more easily shoulder the role of protector to someone in need.  But I wanted a chance for more.

Welew gave me that chance.  Danek directly became her defender during that fight.  However, she also becomes his.  At the critical moment in the fight Danek is trapped.  He has no moves or options left.  And at that moment, Welew rescues him from her worst fear by breaking a chair over Jaled's back.

This seriously shakes Danek's frame of reference once again.  Rather than being a frail and precious thing that absolutely must be protected (the dwarven view of their women) she shows a core of steel.  This helps de-objectivefy women (at least her) in Danek's mind.

He's able to take this new found perspective and project it onto Celeste.  Celeste, like Welew, in a dark moment rescued the one supposed to be protecting her (by springing Jannot from jail).  Welew becomes a sort of Celeste stand in that allows Danek to complete the bridge that their trust of him started.

The other thing Welew did was give me a chance to explore a little more of the differences between dwarven and human mind views.  Twice Jaled's actions allow Danek to reflect on the differences.  As much as I enjoy world creation and cultural exploration, I couldn't resist the chance to use her to illustrate the point.  This part was tough as Andrew and I had some differences of perspective regarding dwarves, but they weren't insurmountable, and I think we're both fairly pleased with the end result.  (A?  Any comment on this?)

So now to some specifics.  I'm basically going paragraph by paragraph here.

In the very first paragraph Danek complains to himself about the beer.  This was a sort of back handed reference to something Andrew once said.  Kent had asked about some difference between the various cultures in the game world.  Andrew's reply had basically said the degree of difference was similar to human=American, dwarf=german, and elf=chinese.  Well, I decided that, if that if dwarves were german, what would they think of Human (American) beer?  Sure, it's a trite little joke, but I was amused.

"Anne he'd been less sure of."  Here we have my first chance to preach on some of the differences in dwarf and human culture.  In draft one I hardly refered to it, being chiefly focused on the basics.  Reflection on the completed draft, however, brought me the realization of how much I had available to me here so several paragraphs were added in draft two.  The first part of the new addition directly talks about Dwarven culture.  Andrew felt I took it a tad too far, so this draft has a slightly less hyperbolized version, but remains otherwise intact.  

The next paragraph of the new materials gives a summary of the conversation between Danek, Jannot, and Celeste.  Draft one had only one or two brief references to Jannot and Celeste, as I initially had thought to keep the campeign seperated as much as possible.  However, with the deeper exploration of Danek's relationship with Welew came out as I wrote draft two, the parrallels between the two women grew strong enough that I decided exploring this aspect of Danek just begged to be included.  The final result is less capable of standing alone, but I'm much happier with the story as a result.

"He fished the coins out of the pouch at his side and sidled forward toward the traditional cup near the impromptu stage to deposit them."  At first I wasn't planning to include this.  The stereotypical dwarven merchant is a stingy SOB, so charity would be rather out of character.  But as I thought about I realized how out of character NOT being charitable was for Danek.

Danek had helped Jannot and Celeste quite a bit, at a great deal of personal inconvenience.  He always down played the inconvenience, but he could have moved much faster (and safer) without  them.  Danek is, at heart, a kindly and charitable person.  So this little act of charity helped me to establish his character even more firmly in preperation for his later charitable defense of a widow.  Similarly, after a comment by Andrew, is the point where he slips the inn keeper an extra coin for his beer (and information.)

As I side note, I thought about adding a line about him being so charitable he was a dispair to his partners in business, but I figured that was pushing it way too far.

Immidiately following I make a reference to the chairs, benches, and etc. to be full, requiring Danek to take a spot along a wall.  Initially, I mentioned only benches during scene descriptions, yet broken chairs several times.  Andrew pointed out that failing.  In draft two, I added descriptions of chairs, and this is further elaborated in draft three in a number of locations.  Additionally I add further descriptions of the placement of tables and benches in drafts two and three, elaborating more in depth each time.  The placement of these objects all help explain how Danek can use the terrain to help negate the advantages held by three much larger, armed, and deadly men.

They also help me illustrate the crowd's reaction to Jaled's arrival in a back handed manner.  At first the place is too crowded for Danek to find a seat.  Later, though a draft three revision enables him to take a chair not far from Jaled.

In this same paragraph, I describe  Jaled and his pals for the first time.  There's some interesting language here.

In draft one of this, I describe them as large men, but do so in a manner that suggests that dwarves are short.  Well, dwarves are short, of course, but only in comparison to humans.  Since this story is mostly from Danek's perspective, I decided in draft two that that was not the right way to portray it.  Danek would naturally view dwarves as being the normal size (though I chose, with Andrew's permission) to make him large for a dwarf).  As such, all his size referents would be based off dwarvish norms, not human.  As such all humans are grossly outsized, Jaled and co especially so.  This can lead to occasional bits of oddness, but I like the feel of it.

After Jaled and his friends enter we see several things.  Welew, of course, has some pretty strong emotions play across her face, but we'll get into that in a bit.  The chief thing I want to talk about here is the crowd.

At the entry of the Jaled, we see a portion of the crowd leaving.  This is one of the first indicators of trouble we get.  The question is, if the crowd thinned, why do I later continue to refer to a crowded room?

I decided I still needed a reasonable crowd.  Part of it is simply esthetics, but chiefly I wanted the crowd to provide me with several things.  First, I needed aditional ways to demonstrate how much Jaled has intimidated the locals.  By having a crowd remain, several people can react to him in fear, thus reinforcing Welew's reactions to him.  Second, I needed a justification for the bard to continue entertain (and thus create yet another foil for me to demonstrate Jaled with).  Third, the crowd helps explain how Danek misses Jaled's flanking movement toward the end of the fight.  And finally, they give me a way to provide reactions to the post fight atmosphere.

I justify their remaining through simple monkey curiosity.  We monkeys have this bad habit of crowding in close to a burning car in spite of the potentially explosive fuel tank, or peaking out of windows during gun fights in the street.  Jaled has the town intimidated, yes.  But enough folk would ignore the danger to see the rare entertainment provided by the bard (and then Danek) to give me a thinner, but still present, crowd.

"Hello, sweet."  Here we see the beggining of the interaction between Welew and Jaled.  One of the more difficult things i faced here was just how intense to make this.  At first I wasn't comfortable with just how tense things got.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the nature of this story required the intensity.  After all, I needed a villain that was a major threat.  Jaled had the entire town scared white through extortion, banditry, and even murder, so I just didn't see him holding back when it came to harrassing Welew.  I wanted a villain, and I could sure get one if I took it to it's natural progression.

The chief reason to hold back was, in my mind, the sensibilities of the audience.  The Jannot Campeign has some fairly dark moments and themes (though not as dark as some of this particular stories implications.)  While it's not exactly a gothic vampire tale, it's not the Care Bears, either.  I figured the target audience could handle the intensity.  So I held back from implying there had been any actual sexual assault, but that was about the only concession I made.

Another issue I had to really think about was the degree to which I would use language in this piece.  The conclusion of Jaled and Welew's first confrontation involves Welew telling Jaled to "Go to hell."  I wasn't sure I wanted to include that.  The Jannot Campeign itself is fairly language-friendly, even if some of the concepts can get PG-13ish.  But try as I might, I was unable to find any other phrases that fit the intensity nearly so well.  I wanted something that showed that, even as frightened as she was, she wasn't completly beaten.  Her use of the phrase helped demonstrate that remaining resolve, the intensity of the conflict, and how close to the ragged edge she was.

It also gave me one other opportunity that no other phrase gave me.  By telling Jaled to go to hell, it gave Jaled the chance to simultaniously reveal that he was proud in just how vile he was, inform the reader Welew was a widow, and issue a threat that Welew would immidiately understand but that the audience would only take as a hint at first, but would fully understand later.  It fit too well to water down.

I faced a similar issue later with Jaled's use of the word "bitch," but again, I couldn't find a way to water it down that never the less maintained the needed level of "evilness."

"So, who's the ox?"  Okay, at this point we get the background needed to establish Jaled as a significant threat, not just an irritant.  The inn keeper allows me to tell the audience just why this threat is so bad, as well as why the conflict between Welew and Jaled winds up needing an outsider to intervene.

Here we get the one and only reference to Jaled's two companions having names.  I was a little uncomfortable with the fact that throughout the fight they are all ways called "the man," "the assailant," "the attacker" and so.  But I just couldn't see Danek caring enough about the two chunks of beef cake to keep their names strait.  Jaled mattered, but only as the central focus of leadership and conflict.  At the same time, it seemed unnatural to have the inn keeper blow off the two when he's probably known them for years, so having him name the two the one time seemed the best compromise.

Naturally, when the inn keeper states it takes a company of guards to hold the three bandits at bay, he's engaging in hyperbole.  But he's telling a story, and exageration, especially when discussing the risks you face, is a pretty common event.  Still, the point seemes clear.  As a solitary merchant (or a merchant with two less than able companions), Danek is in real danger from these three.

The story about Laclan serves several purposes.  It ratchets up the tension by taking Jaled from bandit to murderer, explains just why Welew vs. Jaled is so intence a confrontation, and also serves to help me ease off a small degree of the intensity, for once.  By the inn keeper taking her in and sheltering her, I don't have to get into examining if Welew has been more than just widowed and harrassed.  I didn't want to go there, so I'm greatful to the inn keeper for his intervention.  But at the same time, it implies the threat is there without naming it.  This emphasises Danek's need to Do Something.

After the little story, Danek contemplates a course of action.  I didn;t want him to just lay into Jaled right then and there.  Such a reaction seemed out of character for Danek.  I felt it appropriate for him to want to avoid conflict in front of witnesses.  As an outsider, he couldn't be sure there wouldn;t be some people who took exception to his intervention.  Additionally, I wanted to emlhasize how controlled he is, so that his eventual anger and choice to not just win the fight, but permanently cripple his opponents is that much more stark.

Of course, he had Jannot and Celeste to think about.  So I made him hesitant to deliberately court an attack in the boonies for their sake.  It seemed appropriate.

During this deliberation we first see a little hint about Danek's personal background.  In the text logs he never really gets into his background.  However, his skills as a fighter are good enough I felt he needed to have a combat background somewhere in his past.  This becomes much clearer later.

"Dwarven civilization had spawned in the cold, semi-arid mountains..."  Okay, this was an interesting one.  Andrew and I had some different ideas behing dwarven culture and genetics, though we were going for the same effect.  Andrew hasn't yet commented on my latest incarnation of the reason dwarf women are treated almost like divinity, but I radically altered my original premise based off his comments (it's his world, after all).  I actually like the open endedness of this one, as it leaves a mystery that could, potentially, recieve treatment in a story, adventure, or some such later.  If there's a significantly different draft four, though, this will probably be the cause.

Either way, I really did need to make dwarf women a precious resource.  It made it easier to push Danek's buttons to the point he changes his mind about a fight in the inn, and also explains Danek and Celeste pre-chat/bar-fight.  So making dwarf women very rare (genetics?  Curse?  Environmental preassures?) fit the bill.

Knives.  Heh.  This was, surprisingly, one of the hardest parts of the story.  I really didn;t want Danek armed.  Making the later stages of the fight be between an armed band and an unarmed Danek helped enhance the tension, and the "good guy" nature of Danek in my mind.  So, I had Danek leave his knife with his pack in draft one and two.  But that never felt natural to me, and Andrew felt iffy on it too.  If I felt I really could justify it IC wise, I'd probably have told Andrew to lump it, but I just couldn;t find a good justification.  So in draft three the knife gets written in.

I really struggled with trying to figure out how to get rid of the bloody thing.  Danek's no idiot, so there is no way he would leave the knife sheathed when his opponents drew theirs.  But I just didn;t like it becoming knife vs. knife.  I thought about having his knife get stolen by a pick pocket (just to coincidental and convenient), having the fallen second guy grab and strip off Danek's belt after Danek stepped over him (when he's cradling a crushed face in both hands?  Not bloody likely), or having the blade get knocked out of his hand by contestant number three (seems aweful clumsy of Danek to me to let a thrown beer knock his knife free...)  In the end I figured out that the rewrite of the fight that I did in draft two could stay mostly intact with the knife.  When given the chance to destroy the elbow of his (supposed) last opponent and thus end the fight, the knife actually gets in the way so I saw no reason he wouldn't just drop it.  This restores the balance for the final show down with Jaled, allows Danek to NOT cut an opponent, and still remain the cautious, semi-paranoid dwarf of the campeign.  It may not be the ideal solution but it's the best I could come up with.

At one point, the bard is harrassed by Jaled.  I really like that part, small though it is.  I love bursting stereotypes that just seem silly.  To my mind, the idea that a bard is immune to any abuse is patently absurd.  Sure, a bard can write you into a nasty song, but that assumes that a) you care about the negative portrayal, and Cool the bard survives the dis.  Jaled really doesn't strike me as the type to let either be a problem.  So here I poke a little fun at a certain Fantasy Staple, the immune bard.  I also get to demonstrate just how truly crude Jaled is.

Okay, the final confrontation between Welew and Jaled.  Several things occur here.  First, Welew tries to hang back far enough for Jaled to get the beer mug, but not be able to touch her.  As Andrew pointed out to me, that was a pretty silly thing for her to assume was doable.  The cross section of a mug really isn't much of an obstacle, distance-wise.

To me this makes sense, though.  Understanding how foolish that hope was is a very reational thing.  Welew has been widowed, harassed, threatened, and is in terror of her life, or worse.  At this point rationality isn't even on the radar.  All she knows is she has to keep him placated by bringing him beer, and yet she can't stomach getting into proximity with him any more.  I altered this passage a little in draft three to help illustrate this, but it's still implied rather than spelled out, so I don't know how successful I was.

Another thing that happens is the trigger that finally snaps Danek's resolve and self control.  As earlier, I debated on the use of language here, but just couldn;t get away from it.  Even more, though, is the final use of an actual act of violence.

At first I didn't want to toss that in.  It seemed a little much to have Jaled actually hit Welew.  Unfortunately, i just couldn;t see any other choice.  Having him just insult or threaten her would be just more of the same we've seen the whole time.  Yes, it'd be an excalation, but after a point you grow numb to that (as long as it's not you.)  However, the slap is a major escalation, and a radical change in direction that brings some degree of shock.  It is this shock that finally snaps Danek, as it has become a case of intervening, or watch the woman get badly beaten.

Okay, I had to do a few rewrites of the fight sequence, but for the most part it's self explanitory.  I'll just touch on a few things here.

First, the graphic nature of some of the descriptions.  Simply put, blame David Weber, David Drake, Johnny Ringo, etc...  These are my favorite authors, and so my treatment of dramatic writing has been influenced by theirs.  It's what I'm used to.  Meh.

What Danek is dealing with is some really nasty folk without any (apparent) legal support.  Faced with that he needs a rather permanent solution, but at the same time I didn;'t want him to actually kill anyone in what was, at it's essence, just a bar fight.  As such I elected to have him mess these guys up pretty nastily, and that's a pretty graphic thing.  By describing the nature of the injuries I emphasis just how permanent his solution to the problem is.

After Jelad's nastiness to Welew, I figure the audience will sympathise.

Having Jelad at both ends of the fight.  I really liked this.  Jelad was clearly a doer, not a controller.  So having him hang back and let the other two start the attack just didn't fit.  At the same time, having him already out before the fight is half over also didn't work, as it just left the whole thing feeling anti-climactic.  So Jaled gets temporarily stunned at first.  I like the way this makes Jelad actually seem even tougher, as he comes back from punishment that finishes off the other two.

Jelad's ambush is also an interesting thing.  It took me a bit to work out the dynamics of this, but in the end it feels really good.  When Denak polishes off the knife man, everything feels to simple (to me.)  Danek has mangled his opponents handily.  Sure, he had to get cautious at times, but he never really seemed to be in too much danger.  By having Danek miscalculate, allowing himself to be drawn out of his safe position to a place he can get jumped after he assumes the fight is over, I suddenly justify all the implications of risk I'd built up previously.

Additionally, this sets up the really important moment for Welew.  In the end, Welew becomes the hero.  Danek is supposed to rescue her from Jaled, but in the end, she is the rescuer of the both of them.  Without the second fight with Jaled, that wouldn;t really have fit in anywhere, and that would have taken away alot of what I set up with Welew, with Celeste, and with Danek's learning from/about them both.

After that, it's pretty much just wrapping up. I decided to have the conversation with the inn keeper as a way to release the tension. An abrupt ending would leave alot of tension in the readers, and I wanted to give them a gentle landing. it leaves Danek opening up more than is usual for him, but he's tired. Let him have his moment of weakness.

Heh.

So there it is, for what it's worth. The way my twisted, demented little mind worked this project. Enjoy.

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

Kent's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Woof!  Your explaination is nearly as long as your story.  :?

I like the changes.  I'm glad you took out the part about the drawves not being denser and whatnot.

The part about him dropping his knife... iffy.  I'd be hard pressed to - out of the kindness of my heart - not use my own knife on an enemy assailant coming on with their own blade.  Your reasoning is sound and believable, though.

however, the part before Welew hits Jaled with the chair - Jaled is grappeling Danek.  Danek is standing between benches. I assume (perhaps wrongly) that the benches flank long tables.  So you'd have:

bench - table - bench - Danek vs Jaled - bench - table - bench

If that's right, and that makes sense for when Danek hits his head on the table during this grapple, then when Jaled gets hit with the chair and falls to the floor, wouldn't that place Danek either laying on a bench or layed back across a bench AND a table?

And then, when Danek gets 'thrown' by Jaled falling, wouldn't he be tossed into the opposite bench/table?  :|

-- Kent

SaberSnail's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Do I have any comment? *snicker* You might say that. My response will likely be longer than your post (although likely only because I'll have to quote lots of your stuff to get the proper context).

Unfortunately, I haven't yet read (much less commented on) draft three. Therefore, I'll be back after I've done that.

It's been a busy day, so I have had time... An 11.5 hour drive eats up a good chunk of your day...

Angela and I are down in Arizona right now for passover...

Anyway, back in a bit to comment.

SaberSnail's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

To start, I'm very impressed in generally by your reasoning out of things. As you'll see from my comments below, I think you really did a good job with your conclusions.

Quote:
Danek was a fairly taciturn individual, reluctant to talk about himself.  However, there were several acts on his part that gave a good measure of his beliefs and habits.  The bar fight gave me a chance to display them.


And interestingly enough, you managed to deduct a few that I never explicitly thought of for the character, but which (upon retrospect) definitely must be true.

Quote:
A light hearted and frivelous fight didn't strike me as something Danek would let himself be drawn into.  So that meant something more serious.


Interestingly enough, the original concept in my head was that it had just been a frivolous fight, as if he was just looking for a chance to stretch out the kinks, and such an opportunity came along! I still think that it's a side of Danek that exists, but on the other hand you've provided a very compelling alternative to the bar fight that I greatly prefer.

Quote:
In the text logs, it becomes clear that Danek is both very self disciplined and capable as a fighter.


True, although I never really pictured that he'd be such a hand-to-hand expert... Laughing out loud

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By making three of them I made it a very serious problem, but also gave Danek the chance to use some tactics, not just simple brute strength.  hence Jaled and his two pals.


And in fact, I think you did an impressive job of presenting a bar brawl that was won through wits rather than pure strength.

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My other problem was the cause of the fight.  I first thought of making him an anti-dwarf bigot.  But again there were problems.  Danek is calculating and self possessed.  He has a strong enough understanding of what honor is to not assume throwing a punch at a bigot matches that bill.  He'd ignore anything short of an unavoidable assault.  Anything less could be ignored by simply removing himself from the situation.


Very good reasoning.

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First, an intersting thing I noticed when looking at the logs surrounding the incident is the relationship between Danek and Celeste.   Prior to that evening, Danek was very cold to Celeste.  It wasn't that he was mean, or belittling.  He just never seemed to associate with her.  Any discussion, any needs, any questions, whatever, he directed them to Jannot.  After that night, he was far more warm and personnal to her.


Let me see if I can recall the actual reasoning behind his responses... From his perspective, Celeste presented an oddness that was difficult to handle. In his culture, women don't travel, instead they are protected. He couldn't figure out how he should relate to Celeste, so he decided that it was easiest (and safest) to just pretty much ignore her. Once his nature (and cultural protectiveness towards women) caused him to save Celeste (ok, and Jannot) from felots, he suddenly realized that he could relate to Celeste as her protector. In fact, he almost came to view her as an adopted daughter, as she had no one who could sufficiently fill such a role for her. So the change (after he worked it out in his head) was a result of saving them, not so much their taking him into their confidence. Of course, by revealing their story to him, and trusting him, he felt compelled in some ways to help them, and he certainly recognized that they needed help. Their trust in him almost neccessitated (culturally) that he make himself trustworthy to them. It was actually almost the perfect way to make him a quick friend.

Of course, perhaps I've forgotten some details and it really was all completely different... Smile

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Now, the frank admission of who Jannot and Celeste really were can explain quite a bit of that change, but I thought this story could give additional explanation of the change.


In my view, the story shows a result of the change, but really it works either way.

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The concept of Celeste playing tourist with Jannot was something dwarven culture simply had no basis for relating to.  While his travels amongst humans would have helped some, there still wouldn't have been much interaction giving him the chance to overcome this strong bit of culture shock.


And actually, in his business, he likely had few interactions with human women anyway...

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Welew gave me that chance.  Danek directly became her defender during that fight.  However, she also becomes his.  At the critical moment in the fight Danek is trapped.  He has no moves or options left.  And at that moment, Welew rescues him from her worst fear by breaking a chair over Jaled's back.


This is nice because it makes the story about more than just Danek, but also about her saving herself.

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This seriously shakes Danek's frame of reference once again.  Rather than being a frail and precious thing that absolutely must be protected (the dwarven view of their women) she shows a core of steel.  This helps de-objectivefy women (at least her) in Danek's mind.


Hmm... I wouldn't neccessarily call dwarven women frail. The protectiveness of male dwarves towards the female dwarves does not have to imply the weakness of the females. Instead it says a lot about how much they are cherished.

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Welew becomes a sort of Celeste stand in that allows Danek to complete the bridge that their trust of him started.


Interesting, the parallel hadn't occurred to me.

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The other thing Welew did was give me a chance to explore a little more of the differences between dwarven and human mind views.  Twice Jaled's actions allow Danek to reflect on the differences.  As much as I enjoy world creation and cultural exploration, I couldn't resist the chance to use her to illustrate the point.  This part was tough as Andrew and I had some differences of perspective regarding dwarves, but they weren't insurmountable, and I think we're both fairly pleased with the end result.  (A?  Any comment on this?)


Yes, fairly pleased. Still some things to clear up, but generally fairly good.

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In the very first paragraph Danek complains to himself about the beer.


It's slightly stereotypical, but it works for me.

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The next paragraph of the new materials gives a summary of the conversation between Danek, Jannot, and Celeste.  Draft one had only one or two brief references to Jannot and Celeste, as I initially had thought to keep the campeign seperated as much as possible.  However, with the deeper exploration of Danek's relationship with Welew came out as I wrote draft two, the parrallels between the two women grew strong enough that I decided exploring this aspect of Danek just begged to be included.  The final result is less capable of standing alone, but I'm much happier with the story as a result.


I think it still stands alone pretty well. Although that might be a better question to ask on your blog...

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"He fished the coins out of the pouch at his side and sidled forward toward the traditional cup near the impromptu stage to deposit them."  At first I wasn't planning to include this.  The stereotypical dwarven merchant is a stingy SOB, so charity would be rather out of character.  But as I thought about I realized how out of character NOT being charitable was for Danek.


It's an interesting interpretation. I never particularly saw him as being charitable per se. I suppose that from an external view it could easily be seen as such. I definitely would not categorize him as a singy SOB...

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Danek had helped Jannot and Celeste quite a bit, at a great deal of personal inconvenience.  He always down played the inconvenience, but he could have moved much faster (and safer) without  them.  Danek is, at heart, a kindly and charitable person.  So this little act of charity helped me to establish his character even more firmly in preperation for his later charitable defense of a widow.


In truth, helping the two out wasn't that big an inconvenience. From his perspective, he's in no particular hurry about his business. He sees a pair on the road that raises his curiosity, and is in the right place at the right time to help them. Before they tell him their story, he doesn't see much in the way of danger, and after they confide in him, he feels obligated to live up to their trust. As I said above, to an external viewer it definitely looks like charity...

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As I side note, I thought about adding a line about him being so charitable he was a dispair to his partners in business, but I figured that was pushing it way too far.


I'd definitely have complained about that... Smile He's very much a business one. Just one that has a slower time reference than most humans (though perhaps not as slow as elves).

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Danek would naturally view dwarves as being the normal size (though I chose, with Andrew's permission) to make him large for a dwarf).


Yeah, I noticed. I went back and forth on that multiple times. I finally decided that it's your story, and it's not particularly critical to anything else, so it doesn't hurt. I personally never saw him as being large for a dwarf, but... eh.

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"Hello, sweet."  Here we see the beggining of the interaction between Welew and Jaled.  One of the more difficult things i faced here was just how intense to make this.  At first I wasn't comfortable with just how tense things got.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the nature of this story required the intensity.


I think you did good with the intensity level.

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The chief reason to hold back was, in my mind, the sensibilities of the audience.  The Jannot Campeign has some fairly dark moments and themes (though not as dark as some of this particular stories implications.)


Celeste dealing with very nearly getting raped is not dark enough for you?

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So I held back from implying there had been any actual sexual assault, but that was about the only concession I made.


Still, I know what you mean. I struggled a bit during the campaign to figure out exactly how to portray the situation when Jannot first met Celeste...

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Another issue I had to really think about was the degree to which I would use language in this piece.


I thought the language fit pretty well.

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"So, who's the ox?"  Okay, at this point we get the background needed to establish Jaled as a significant threat, not just an irritant.  The inn keeper allows me to tell the audience just why this threat is so bad, as well as why the conflict between Welew and Jaled winds up needing an outsider to intervene.


In my mind, "ox" was the perfect word choice for how Danek saw Jaled...

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After the little story, Danek contemplates a course of action.  I didn;t want him to just lay into Jaled right then and there.  Such a reaction seemed out of character for Danek.  I felt it appropriate for him to want to avoid conflict in front of witnesses.  As an outsider, he couldn't be sure there wouldn;t be some people who took exception to his intervention.  Additionally, I wanted to emlhasize how controlled he is, so that his eventual anger and choice to not just win the fight, but permanently cripple his opponents is that much more stark.


You did well with your analysis of Danek's character.

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Of course, he had Jannot and Celeste to think about.  So I made him hesitant to deliberately court an attack in the boonies for their sake.  It seemed appropriate.


Also very appropriate.

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"Dwarven civilization had spawned in the cold, semi-arid mountains..."  Okay, this was an interesting one.  Andrew and I had some different ideas behing dwarven culture and genetics, though we were going for the same effect.  Andrew hasn't yet commented on my latest incarnation of the reason dwarf women are treated almost like divinity, but I radically altered my original premise based off his comments (it's his world, after all).


Still needs a little work. Laughing out loud

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But that never felt natural to me, and Andrew felt iffy on it too.  If I felt I really could justify it IC wise, I'd probably have told Andrew to lump it, but I just couldn;t find a good justification.  So in draft three the knife gets written in.


If you'd had a way to justify it, I'd have agreed.

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When given the chance to destroy the elbow of his (supposed) last opponent and thus end the fight, the knife actually gets in the way so I saw no reason he wouldn't just drop it.


I mostly agree. Danek would definitely avoid (potentially) lethal force where possible. Or rather, he'd use force appropriate to the situation. I'm not convinced on the dropping part.

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So here I poke a little fun at a certain Fantasy Staple, the immune bard.


Works for me!

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It seemed a little much to have Jaled actually hit Welew.  Unfortunately, i just couldn;t see any other choice.


As bad as it is, it's needed. It provides the justification that you absolutely need for the brutality of the fight. If your description of the damage dealt during the fight had been less graphic then you would have probably wanted to be less graphic about him hitting her. As is, you need the balance.

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Having Jelad at both ends of the fight.


Very well thought out.

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Jelad's ambush is also an interesting thing.  It took me a bit to work out the dynamics of this, but in the end it feels really good.  When Denak polishes off the knife man, everything feels to simple (to me.)  Danek has mangled his opponents handily.  Sure, he had to get cautious at times, but he never really seemed to be in too much danger.  By having Danek miscalculate, allowing himself to be drawn out of his safe position to a place he can get jumped after he assumes the fight is over, I suddenly justify all the implications of risk I'd built up previously.


It is a good thing to discover that Danek is not perfect, not invincible.

Enough responses to your thoughts?

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Well, I FINALLY feel human again... just in time for drill. Don't that just figure. So...

Kheldar wrote:

To start, I'm very impressed in generally by your reasoning out of things. As you'll see from my comments below, I think you really did a good job with your conclusions.

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Danek was a fairly taciturn individual, reluctant to talk about himself.  However, there were several acts on his part that gave a good measure of his beliefs and habits.  The bar fight gave me a chance to display them.

And interestingly enough, you managed to deduct a few that I never explicitly thought of for the character, but which (upon retrospect) definitely must be true.

Cool. Of course, you were swagging as you went, so you could just do what felt right. I had an already established character that needed to stay consistant, so I had to somewhat study him.

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A light hearted and frivelous fight didn't strike me as something Danek would let himself be drawn into.  So that meant something more serious.

Interestingly enough, the original concept in my head was that it had just been a frivolous fight, as if he was just looking for a chance to stretch out the kinks, and such an opportunity came along! I still think that it's a side of Danek that exists, but on the other hand you've provided a very compelling alternative to the bar fight that I greatly prefer.

That last sentance was a bit vague. I assume you meant that you greatly prefer my version to your original concept...

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First, an intersting thing I noticed when looking at the logs surrounding the incident is the relationship between Danek and Celeste.   Prior to that evening, Danek was very cold to Celeste.  It wasn't that he was mean, or belittling.  He just never seemed to associate with her.  Any discussion, any needs, any questions, whatever, he directed them to Jannot.  After that night, he was far more warm and personnal to her.

Let me see if I can recall the actual reasoning behind his responses... From his perspective, Celeste presented an oddness that was difficult to handle. In his culture, women don't travel, instead they are protected. He couldn't figure out how he should relate to Celeste, so he decided that it was easiest (and safest) to just pretty much ignore her. Once his nature (and cultural protectiveness towards women) caused him to save Celeste (ok, and Jannot) from felots, he suddenly realized that he could relate to Celeste as her protector. In fact, he almost came to view her as an adopted daughter, as she had no one who could sufficiently fill such a role for her. So the change (after he worked it out in his head) was a result of saving them, not so much their taking him into their confidence. Of course, by revealing their story to him, and trusting him, he felt compelled in some ways to help them, and he certainly recognized that they needed help. Their trust in him almost neccessitated (culturally) that he make himself trustworthy to them. It was actually almost the perfect way to make him a quick friend.

Of course, perhaps I've forgotten some details and it really was all completely different... Smile

Heh. Of course, cannon or no, this story doesn't come out and say these things, and in fact only implies them to those who read between the lines anyway. I think the two different aspects of the night (my story and yours) complement eachother. Either way...

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The concept of Celeste playing tourist with Jannot was something dwarven culture simply had no basis for relating to.  While his travels amongst humans would have helped some, there still wouldn't have been much interaction giving him the chance to overcome this strong bit of culture shock.

And actually, in his business, he likely had few interactions with human women anyway...

Of course he would have. But how many of those interactions would have been on the road, virtually unescorted, for frivilous reasons?

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Welew gave me that chance.  Danek directly became her defender during that fight.  However, she also becomes his.  At the critical moment in the fight Danek is trapped.  He has no moves or options left.  And at that moment, Welew rescues him from her worst fear by breaking a chair over Jaled's back.

This is nice because it makes the story about more than just Danek, but also about her saving herself.

Yep. At first, that wasn't in there. Danek never makes a tactical error, Welew justifies the fight then reverts to observer, end of story. But after I rewrote the fight it occured to me how much more potential there was for all parties if I add that, and I feel the story greatly benefited by it. As you say, it becomes more than just Danek's story.

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This seriously shakes Danek's frame of reference once again.  Rather than being a frail and precious thing that absolutely must be protected (the dwarven view of their women) she shows a core of steel.  This helps de-objectivefy women (at least her) in Danek's mind.

Hmm... I wouldn't neccessarily call dwarven women frail. The protectiveness of male dwarves towards the female dwarves does not have to imply the weakness of the females. Instead it says a lot about how much they are cherished.

Understood. I tried to portray that in the story, but honestly do not know how well I did it. I've been having dificulty with describing exactly why dwarf culture is the way it is. I think I understand it, but putting it into words... Meh.

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Welew becomes a sort of Celeste stand in that allows Danek to complete the bridge that their trust of him started.

Interesting, the parallel hadn't occurred to me.

And it doesn't have to. The story is fine as just Danek and Welew, wihout Celeste really coming into it. I just thought I could enhance the Jannot storyline in a subtle manner like this.

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The other thing Welew did was give me a chance to explore a little more of the differences between dwarven and human mind views.  Twice Jaled's actions allow Danek to reflect on the differences.  As much as I enjoy world creation and cultural exploration, I couldn't resist the chance to use her to illustrate the point.  This part was tough as Andrew and I had some differences of perspective regarding dwarves, but they weren't insurmountable, and I think we're both fairly pleased with the end result.  (A?  Any comment on this?)

Yes, fairly pleased. Still some things to clear up, but generally fairly good.

Lemme know what exactly needs clarifying. This has actually been the hardest part of the whole thing.

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The next paragraph of the new materials gives a summary of the conversation between Danek, Jannot, and Celeste.  Draft one had only one or two brief references to Jannot and Celeste, as I initially had thought to keep the campeign seperated as much as possible.  However, with the deeper exploration of Danek's relationship with Welew came out as I wrote draft two, the parrallels between the two women grew strong enough that I decided exploring this aspect of Danek just begged to be included.  The final result is less capable of standing alone, but I'm much happier with the story as a result.

I think it still stands alone pretty well. Although that might be a better question to ask on your blog...

And I asked. Only one response, and that was to comment that, unless this was part of a larger work (which it technically is) the Jannot/Anne thing got in the way a bit, but not so much as to break the story. Meh.

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"He fished the coins out of the pouch at his side and sidled forward toward the traditional cup near the impromptu stage to deposit them."  At first I wasn't planning to include this.  The stereotypical dwarven merchant is a stingy SOB, so charity would be rather out of character.  But as I thought about I realized how out of character NOT being charitable was for Danek.

It's an interesting interpretation. I never particularly saw him as being charitable per se. I suppose that from an external view it could easily be seen as such. I definitely would not categorize him as a singy SOB...

It fit in several ways, as I see it. I wanted to take every opportunity to make him the type who can't help but aid those in need. Otherwise, why wouldn't he do the same thing most folk would, and not intervene?

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Danek had helped Jannot and Celeste quite a bit, at a great deal of personal inconvenience.  He always down played the inconvenience, but he could have moved much faster (and safer) without  them.  Danek is, at heart, a kindly and charitable person.  So this little act of charity helped me to establish his character even more firmly in preperation for his later charitable defense of a widow.

In truth, helping the two out wasn't that big an inconvenience. From his perspective, he's in no particular hurry about his business. He sees a pair on the road that raises his curiosity, and is in the right place at the right time to help them. Before they tell him their story, he doesn't see much in the way of danger, and after they confide in him, he feels obligated to live up to their trust. As I said above, to an external viewer it definitely looks like charity...

Hadn't thought of it like that. Interesting. Should i change this in the story then?

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Danek would naturally view dwarves as being the normal size (though I chose, with Andrew's permission) to make him large for a dwarf).

Yeah, I noticed. I went back and forth on that multiple times. I finally decided that it's your story, and it's not particularly critical to anything else, so it doesn't hurt. I personally never saw him as being large for a dwarf, but... eh.

His actual size isn't really important to the story, but it does give me the chance to throw a little dwarven perspective in to things. Minor point, really.

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The chief reason to hold back {on the intensity} was, in my mind, the sensibilities of the audience.  The Jannot Campeign has some fairly dark moments and themes (though not as dark as some of this particular stories implications.)

Celeste dealing with very nearly getting raped is not dark enough for you?

Good point. Honestly, I'd forgotten about that, and not found it in my research on Danek because of how far back it was. Thanks. Helps make me feel a bit better about the "dark" nature of the tale.

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So I held back from implying there had been any actual sexual assault, but that was about the only concession I made.

Still, I know what you mean. I struggled a bit during the campaign to figure out exactly how to portray the situation when Jannot first met Celeste...

Yeah. it's not something one should normally feel comfortable about, even when one is trying to make the bad guy really, really bad. I think we both struck the right tone on it.

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Another issue I had to really think about was the degree to which I would use language in this piece.

I thought the language fit pretty well.

Good. I was slightly concerned about that. After all, it's your world, not mine. It was important I play by your rules and not try to take over.

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"Dwarven civilization had spawned in the cold, semi-arid mountains..."  Okay, this was an interesting one.  Andrew and I had some different ideas behing dwarven culture and genetics, though we were going for the same effect.  Andrew hasn't yet commented on my latest incarnation of the reason dwarf women are treated almost like divinity, but I radically altered my original premise based off his comments (it's his world, after all).

Still needs a little work. Laughing out loud

To be honest, I'm kinda stuck here. I think i know where you're coming from but I just can't seem to put it to words.

Maybe what should happen is you should write up this little section, and then i can re-word it so it takes on my particular "voice." What do you think?

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But that {not having a knife} never felt natural to me, and Andrew felt iffy on it too.  If I felt I really could justify it IC wise, I'd probably have told Andrew to lump it, but I just couldn;t find a good justification.  So in draft three the knife gets written in.

If you'd had a way to justify it, I'd have agreed.

Yeah, but i never could. Still not happy about that, but whether I'm happy with it or not, the knife had to go back in because that's Danek. He has a mind of his own, darn him.

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When given the chance to destroy the elbow of his (supposed) last opponent and thus end the fight, the knife actually gets in the way so I saw no reason he wouldn't just drop it.

I mostly agree. Danek would definitely avoid (potentially) lethal force where possible. Or rather, he'd use force appropriate to the situation. I'm not convinced on the dropping part.

Thing is, when you look at how and where he's standing in relation to the elbow, he HAD to drop the knife. If he didn't, his only option would have been to use the knife to pin his foes arm, and i didn't want that. By dropping it he could use his hand to trap the arm, not cut it. Dropping the knife was tactically feasable, helped me disarm him, and helps demonstrate his desire to NOT escalate to cutting folk. If you can find a better way to disarm him... Meh.

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It seemed a little much to have Jaled actually hit Welew.  Unfortunately, i just couldn;t see any other choice.

As bad as it is, it's needed. It provides the justification that you absolutely need for the brutality of the fight. If your description of the damage dealt during the fight had been less graphic then you would have probably wanted to be less graphic about him hitting her. As is, you need the balance.

Exactly.

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Jelad's ambush is also an interesting thing.  It took me a bit to work out the dynamics of this, but in the end it feels really good.  When Denak polishes off the knife man, everything feels to simple (to me.)  Danek has mangled his opponents handily.  Sure, he had to get cautious at times, but he never really seemed to be in too much danger.  By having Danek miscalculate, allowing himself to be drawn out of his safe position to a place he can get jumped after he assumes the fight is over, I suddenly justify all the implications of risk I'd built up previously.

It is a good thing to discover that Danek is not perfect, not invincible.

Not just good, necessary. The story was less compelling previous to that decision. In it's earlier incarnations, the story always seemed to involve three hapless idiots being manhandled by a force of nature. They never had a chance, and you almost felt bad for them, not concerned for Danek and Welew. This, on the other hand, shifts it to the point Danek is truly endangered. He could lose, and that could have fatal consequences. I think it really was a necessity, and I'm glad I discovered that.

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Enough responses to your thoughts?

Oh, yeah.

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

SaberSnail's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

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Enough responses to your thoughts?

Oh, yeah.


Too bad, here's some more... Laughing out loud

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To start, I'm very impressed in generally by your reasoning out of things. As you'll see from my comments below, I think you really did a good job with your conclusions.

Cool. Of course, you were swagging as you went, so you could just do what felt right. I had an already established character that needed to stay consistant, so I had to somewhat study him.


Good point. I'm glad someone else gets to do the difficult work...

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Interestingly enough, the original concept in my head was that it had just been a frivolous fight, as if he was just looking for a chance to stretch out the kinks, and such an opportunity came along! I still think that it's a side of Danek that exists, but on the other hand you've provided a very compelling alternative to the bar fight that I greatly prefer.

That last sentance was a bit vague. I assume you meant that you greatly prefer my version to your original concept...


Errr... Yes. I like your version. But, I still wouldn't care to rule out Daneck's frivolous side... It happens sometimes.

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Let me see if I can recall the actual reasoning behind his responses... From his perspective, Celeste presented an oddness that was difficult to handle. In his culture, women don't travel, instead they are protected. He couldn't figure out how he should relate to Celeste, so he decided that it was easiest (and safest) to just pretty much ignore her. Once his nature (and cultural protectiveness towards women) caused him to save Celeste (ok, and Jannot) from felots, he suddenly realized that he could relate to Celeste as her protector. In fact, he almost came to view her as an adopted daughter, as she had no one who could sufficiently fill such a role for her. So the change (after he worked it out in his head) was a result of saving them, not so much their taking him into their confidence. Of course, by revealing their story to him, and trusting him, he felt compelled in some ways to help them, and he certainly recognized that they needed help. Their trust in him almost neccessitated (culturally) that he make himself trustworthy to them. It was actually almost the perfect way to make him a quick friend.

Heh. Of course, cannon or no, this story doesn't come out and say these things, and in fact only implies them to those who read between the lines anyway. I think the two different aspects of the night (my story and yours) complement each other. Either way...


I think you did a good job at leaving the exact motivations fuzzy enough to not really be conflicting. It works.

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And actually, in his business, he likely had few interactions with human women anyway...

Of course he would have. But how many of those interactions would have been on the road, virtually unescorted, for frivilous reasons?


Naw, likely he wouldn't have. Daneck would generally be dealing with other businessmen. He's definitely NOT a peddler. He travels and makes advance "wholesale-price" type business deals for later delivery. Given the human culture in which women are usually home-makers, most of Daneck's interactions would be with human males, not females.

Of course, that's a point which really doesn't have much to do with the story anyway. I think you're current handling of that aspect works well enough.

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Hmm... I wouldn't neccessarily call dwarven women frail. The protectiveness of male dwarves towards the female dwarves does not have to imply the weakness of the females. Instead it says a lot about how much they are cherished.

Understood. I tried to portray that in the story, but honestly do not know how well I did it. I've been having dificulty with describing exactly why dwarf culture is the way it is. I think I understand it, but putting it into words... Meh.


Laughing out loud I think your various revisions are moving the right direction. It's nearly all ironed out.

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This part was tough as Andrew and I had some differences of perspective regarding dwarves, but they weren't insurmountable, and I think we're both fairly pleased with the end result.

Yes, fairly pleased. Still some things to clear up, but generally fairly good.

Lemme know what exactly needs clarifying. This has actually been the hardest part of the whole thing.


Actually I've been clarifying those things through my regular means of feedback. No need to repeat them here.

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I think it still stands alone pretty well. Although that might be a better question to ask on your blog...

And I asked. Only one response, and that was to comment that, unless this was part of a larger work (which it technically is) the Jannot/Anne thing got in the way a bit, but not so much as to break the story. Meh.


Yeah, I saw that. I agree that it is (and should be) intended as part of a "larger work". I also agree that it plays a minor enough part to not be a huge distraction for the uninitiated.

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I never particularly saw him as being charitable per se. I suppose that from an external view it could easily be seen as such. I definitely would not categorize him as a singy SOB...

It fit in several ways, as I see it. I wanted to take every opportunity to make him the type who can't help but aid those in need. Otherwise, why wouldn't he do the same thing most folk would, and not intervene?


True of course. Although his dwarven culture goes a long ways towards giving him the needed excuse even without a charitable mindset... Not that I think you need to change the story. I think it works "as-is".

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In truth, helping the two out wasn't that big an inconvenience. From his perspective, he's in no particular hurry about his business. He sees a pair on the road that raises his curiosity, and is in the right place at the right time to help them. Before they tell him their story, he doesn't see much in the way of danger, and after they confide in him, he feels obligated to live up to their trust. As I said above, to an external viewer it definitely looks like charity...

Hadn't thought of it like that. Interesting. Should i change this in the story then?


Eh... If you want. I'm not sure I'd bother, since I don't think the story belabors this point enough to make its clarification significant.

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So I held back from implying there had been any actual sexual assault, but that was about the only concession I made.

Still, I know what you mean. I struggled a bit during the campaign to figure out exactly how to portray the situation when Jannot first met Celeste...

Yeah. it's not something one should normally feel comfortable about, even when one is trying to make the bad guy really, really bad. I think we both struck the right tone on it.


Agreed for both of us. I've always been rather pleased with how the Jannot/Celeste meeting worked out. Had a nice feel...

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I thought the language fit pretty well.

Good. I was slightly concerned about that. After all, it's your world, not mine. It was important I play by your rules and not try to take over.


Eh... not too big a deal to me. I recognize that people use varying levels of profanity in their lives and stories. I certainly prefer much less than average. Still, I can allow people some flexibility. Not to say that it wouldn't be possible to "cross a line"... Laughing out loud

...Besides which I've always welcomed people to share in my world creation...

...Speaking of which, I really need to get us all back to that Lexicon game thingy...

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To be honest, I'm kinda stuck here. I think i know where you're coming from but I just can't seem to put it to words.

Maybe what should happen is you should write up this little section, and then i can re-word it so it takes on my particular "voice." What do you think?


Well, first of all, the comments here reflected the fact that I'd made some additional hints and suggestions (via the regular means) to your latest draft. Assuming those get cleared up, there probably won't be much more than some minor things remaining.

Now, it would be awful nice if I could sometime write up an essay on dwarven culture. I could even add it as an article to the Encyclopedia Fangor. I should really consider doing that. So many projects... so little time...

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If you'd had a way to justify it, I'd have agreed.

Yeah, but i never could. Still not happy about that, but whether I'm happy with it or not, the knife had to go back in because that's Danek. He has a mind of his own, darn him.


I actually really like how you handled the knife (with the exception of the one awkwardness mentioned below).

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I'm not convinced on the dropping part.

Thing is, when you look at how and where he's standing in relation to the elbow, he HAD to drop the knife. If he didn't, his only option would have been to use the knife to pin his foes arm, and i didn't want that. By dropping it he could use his hand to trap the arm, not cut it. Dropping the knife was tactically feasable, helped me disarm him, and helps demonstrate his desire to NOT escalate to cutting folk. If you can find a better way to disarm him... Meh.


I'm not really looking for a better way to disarm him. I just think you should make his thought processes more clear to the reader and emphasize the fact when he drops it that he's confident that he can finish the fight without involving "lethal" force...

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Just bumping this as a reminder that I need to finish this now I'm back to evenings again...

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

SaberSnail's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Oh good.

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Okay, Draft four is now at the top of the topic, replacing draft three. I hope this one works, as it adressed the two parts that still seemed sticky. Let me know.

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Okay, Draft 5 is up. I am expecting that this is the final version. Please Please Please give it a good read, as this is your last opportunity!

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.

Kent's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Ahh.. a nice read over the lunch break. Wink

I like it. It's much smoother - more flowing than before. I especially like the change in teh fight where Danek thinks he's done and sheaths his knife. That makes MUCH more sense. Also, you took care of the room description and layout such that I was left with no questions or misgivings regarding their positioning.

It has a little more flourish that I'd use (and a couple small spelling errors) but in all, I think you're done.

Congrats! Laughing out loud

-- Kent

Sareth's picture

Jannot Fan Fic (untitled, maybe Justification?)

Okay. I think we're done on this one. Shock Go ahead and publish it where you feel it appropriate.

Veni, Vidi, Volo in domum redire.